I Need To Pee But My Legs Are In The Air: Damn You John Mayer

I have to seriously pee…but my legs are in the air. And I am in a fierce Words With Friends battle I am not willing to quit here. The WWF is really just a successful distraction from the fact that I am holding my legs in the air, listening to my husband snore, and trying to contain all elements of procreation my body is currently harboring.  Zanax anyone?

 

I hate gravity.

It ruined my boobs, and my butt, and now its torturing me with trying to conceive gravity.  Why does gravity hate me!?

Oh now that song is stuck in my head...
Oh Gravity...Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

 

How long have my legs been like this? Are my abs burning? No, that's not possible, I don’t have any abs.

Did he really just fart?

 

My toes are asleep.

 

Now my knees are asleep? Weird.

 

Woah, I think I just caught a nap with my feet over my head. New talent, putting it on my About Me section…

I don’t know how long I’ve been like this, at least four days, at least since the beginning of my ‘fertile window’ which was last week, or….Let me check my fertility friend app…

This PreSeed is stupid sticky, or watery, or both. Its uncomfortable, wahhhh! Ohhh, I wish I had the stomach for the SoftCups, this wouldn’t be so miserable. I would be able to clean and do dishes like the girl on the box!

Damn it! Why am I such a weenie?!  Maybe I will go to the pharmacy in the morning to buy some, I don’t know. I'm so tired.

My phone is dying? No, I need to pee and I need to lay here and be distracted with my legs in the air….phone death beep?! No!

I. Need. To. Pee.