The tangled, mangled mess we weave when we obsess to conceive. Ugh.
As the title suggests, there was a to go order of urine this morning. And it probably is as bad as it sounds, and what' s worse is the fact that as I am typing this 10 or so hours later, with ample reflection time, I still can justify it with my mental gymnastics.
Yesterday's ovulation prediction test results were strange. For me. They weren't positive, but they were the color they usually are a few days before I get a certain positive. Anything that I find strange in regards to trying to conceive, I obsess over relentlessly, until I break down or find the answer. They threw me off because I am on CD 6 and I had just stopped spotting so I should have had a nil test result. It should have been non existent, should have been a glance, and toss result. But it wasn't. And the thing is, yah, its weird to ovulate a week or so early, but for me it would be more like 12-14 days early, if in fact the results are leading to what they usually do.
So, lucky for me, I was out of opts, and I had to wait to go to the store to get more. I ordered a package of 20 of First Response but they sent me the digital ones that I HATE, and ironically had just mentioned yesterday. I was tempted to use them but decided to go exchange them at Wally World.
Yesterday I ended up being too wrapped up in the errands to obsess too much about the strange results. I was thinking about it, but couldn't act upon multiple tests or go buy more supplies. My husband was off yesterday and we spend the day together running errands and enjoying each other so he kept me from sprinting to a pharmacy to scrounge for more opts.
This morning started off really busy as well, so I took the last of the crappy OPTs I had and just couldn't get it to even give me any result, the whole strip was one blur. I usually do the bathtub testing, where I go pee in a red solo cup and then put the tests in it and while I take a bath, I type on my laptop and TRY not to stare at them while I wait for the results. This morning my husband was waiting in the bathroom while I bathed and I was annoyed that I didn't have the good tests and now I cant know if yesterday I was just a total weirdo or if they are getting darker, just plain freaking out.
"We are about to leave for the day and I won't be able to test until tonight and even then,
I like to test at the same time every day...."
<insert melt down whining>
And then I see it, the iced coffee my husband brought me. WITH A LID!! I got so excited and looked at my husbands glance and he just got up and brought me another cup for my coffee, and washed the coffee cup for me, no questions asked. I poured what I needed into the to-go cup and found a big gallon zip lock bag to put it in, just for judgment's sake and got dressed really quickly. I had Ovulation Kits to exchange!
We both giggled on the car ride there, which is less than five minutes. We arrived at the store and I had to do the dreaded customer service line. We made it back in the car within 15 minutes. They aren't carrying the larger 20 counts anymore, so I settled on two packages of 7, I wasn't too upset because they come with a pregnancy test, so I just chalked it up to money I would have spent anyway.
I got in the car and couldn't WAIT to get the to-go cup out of the car. I opened the packages and did the test, and felt immediate embarrassment when we were back on the highway and I realized it was going to be half an hour before I could get this cup of pee out of the car. FAIL.
The ovulation kit looked exactly like it did yesterday, so we'll see if tomorrows is any darker. In the mean time, I'm going to try to forget I hatched this plan.
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